My Letter to You
Updated: Apr 22
Epiphany of Maturity
Preface:
I had an *Epiphany of Maturity* the day I wrote the below essay. What's an *Epiphany of Maturity* you ask? Basically, it is that moment when you wake up from the FOG and realize that the answer to your dilemma was there in front of you the whole time. Below is the original version of my essay "Coming Out of a State of Confusion" that I shared as a blog post published on my first website in March of 2022. It focused on my eye-opening revelation of who I had been trying to be and who I discovered I was as a Writer, aspiring Author and Creator.
That revelation is what prompted me to write the essay, and while writing it I realized that my experience and take-away from it may be helpful to others who are also in a “State of Confusion” they may not even know they are in. That is why I have this essay pinned as my welcome letter to encourage you to keep growing and evolving and to inspire you to stay true to yourself.
Title: Coming Out of a State of Confusion
Subtitle: The day I Woke Up!
{A "Mini-Memoir" written in its original present tense about my start as an Author & Artist + Creative}
Being in a State of Confusion
In my haste to put myself out there as an author and amateur artist I began trying to look and sound so professional in my website presentation that I forgot that I am not the type of person to fit in a box. I am unique and will not ever fit in the box that others say that I should be in. I spent so much time trying to ensure that my online presence resembled that of a business (and in my honest critique of myself failing at it) that I forgot in some ways to ensure that it resembled me. I started my website and began blogging on it in December of 2021 and to date (March 2022) I only have about 14 followers (I think) and I get a few views here and there. Seeing those stats started making me feel unsuccessful in my endeavors thus causing me to question myself and my intentions. Those questions made me stop and take a moment to reflect on what I truly wanted to accomplish with my brand. Yes, every blog post I published is my unique perspective on that specific topic with the intention of bringing Joy and inspiration to the reader’s day. However, the manner in which I went about trying to highlight my artwork (which was not supposed to be the primary focus) was not entirely who I am.
It was coming from a place of who I thought I was supposed to be in order to get my business going and those thoughts came from the business courses I took and or the many advice articles I’ve come across online. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that it was bad advice because a lot of it wasn’t, in fact some of it was very good advice, just not suitable for me or my endeavors. It took some time for me to process this but now that I have, I am beginning to see things differently. I began to realize that I have been in a fog trying to operate in a manner that does not suit me thus leaving me in a state of confusion wondering why I was not getting noticed, why I could not gain followers, why, why, why? This confusion went on constantly until that day I stopped to reflect, that day I took a moment to really look at what I had done so far.
That was the Day I woke up! That day I went from “fog” to “clarity” and felt like a weight had been lifted.
With a Clearer View I Am Moving Forward
My intention with my website was to promote my books and stationary products once they were available for sale and to yes hopefully/occasionally sell my artwork in the meantime. It was never meant to be a daily blog just to drum up attention and followers and in my time of reflection that is what I realized I was doing. This realization showed me that at this current time, I do not need to build a website through building a blog and that until I am ready to launch products I have done enough. I had this same similar experience with joining Medium.
Me and my Medium experience
I joined Medium thinking that it would be an easy way to make money as a writer and to gain exposure in addition to working on my books. Once I joined however, I quickly felt out of place because it seemed the only way to make money and gain followers is to follow the “tricks of the trade” that I felt were not in my nature as a writer to do.
I assumed that I could be myself and write about the things I care about and believe in however, that is not what I encountered during my first week or two. So again, I found myself questioning who I was as a writer and whether or not I should even try to become a paid writer here on Medium and if it was the place for me. And again, I had to stop and look at myself and my intentions, think about what my real goal was and again I Woke Up!
I have a much clearer vision of what I would like my online presence to represent both on my website and here on Medium. With that vision comes the understanding of self to know that it will always reflect who I am at the core which will most often NOT be the same as someone else’s or the masses and that will be on purpose. I know that there is an audience out there waiting for me to speak, waiting for me to give voice to who they are or what they are feeling, and I know that there is a place for me in whatever community and online space I decide to become a part of.
I share this revelation with you because I know that I am not the only person who struggles with trying to present themselves the way we think we should, were told was the “proper” or “professional” way to do so, or “the things you need to do” in whatever field you work in. The same can be true for your personal life. Whatever it is I am here to say that “you too can and will get to a point when you find your own voice and will be confident enough to walk in it!’
Take a Mental Break
So, if you find yourself in a state of confusion or feeling like you are in a fog and cannot seem to come out of it this might be a good time for you to take a Mental Break. Stop what you are working on, Step away from it for a specific amount of time and regroup. Here are a couple of techniques that work for me.
Meditate in the morning, afternoon (mid-day/mid-shift), or before bed
Sit or lay in stillness and silence
Go for a walk
Stretch
Do Pilates or Yoga
Journal
The goal with any of the above suggestions is to clear your mind of the clutter, worries and concerns you have so that you emerge from that Mental Break with a clear mind so you can take inventory of where you are and where you want to be. It is my Hope that the fog is lifted, and you come out of the “State of Confusion” inspired and ready for change.
Update: January 2024
Time brings with it growth, maturity, clarity and change. No matter what stage we are at in life all four capacities of time are there with us.
There is growth; humans, plants/nature and animals all grow over time sometimes starting from something so small you can barely see it.
There is maturity as people (even animals) we are supposed to and often do in some way or another mature as we age, and with that maturity comes clarity of thoughts* understanding* and self.
Clarity meaning that we begin to see things differently. Our responses to people and situations change (usually for the better) and we learn how to control our own emotions and actions, we look back at our younger selves and see how we interacted with people and how we reacted to situations and can often say "that was the younger me, I know better now". Or "If I knew then what I know now, I would have done xyz differently".
Insight of self in such ways brings about change. Change in thoughts, change in actions and sometimes even change in career, lifestyle and or goals, which then leads to a change in intentions.
And a change in Intentions is where I found myself in the middle of 2023 when I took another Mental Break to reflect on why I still felt like I was all over the place. It was then that I realized that even though I had more clarity on who I was as a creative being than when I started in 2021, I was still bouncing around the internet. Between 2022 and the beginning of 2023 I jumped on one social media platform after another, was still writing on Medium, tried my hand at becoming a freelancer (which did not work for me, and had to admit I had no passion for), submitting work for other online platforms and started a Substack newsletter (thinking it would be a better fit for me). Needless to say, I was busy, doing everything BUT focusing on what my true intentions really were.
That is until I took that Mental Break in the middle of 2023. During that time of reflection, I began to truly understand what my intentions are for my creative career and began to expand on them.
The first thing I did was determine what title or titles (because there are so many in these creative spaces) define who I am as a creative being and determined that: I am an Author and Artistic Creator. Two titles that encompass all that I am.
The second thing I did was look at all the areas I was spending my time and energy on and eliminated what was not important.
For me, that was trying to write articles, gain followers and subscribers on platforms like Medium and Substack. Both were taking away from the time I should have been spending completing my next book after all I am an author, and my main intention was to write and publish books. This eye opener has led me to make the decision to stop writing on Medium and Substack altogether.
I also decided that I don't have the time or desire to handle/manage multiple social media platforms and focus on my intentions at the same time. With that I have chosen only one main platform (Facebook) and have removed myself from the others. Doing so has helped me stay focused on what is really important for me.
The third thing I did was decide that it was time for an updated website. One that flows in a way that encompasses all that I am. I needed a website that allows me to showcase the books and other literary products that I create as well as my artwork (this is where you have landed).
In sharing my "Epiphany of Maturity" moments through what I call a "Mini-Memoir" that highlights one aspect of my life; space is made available for you to take in what you need to start, continue or correct the path of your own journey and maybe share it with someone else.
Thank you for stopping by Raine's Place of Expression, Stay a while, it's peaceful here!